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| aite new xanga aznnoodlechef518 | | |
| yo, philly missions is done, got back yesterday. my mind's still there tho, im missin the church and the kids and neighborhood and whatnot. that place really inspired me; b4 the trip i was strayin awey from Him, but i guess i didnt notice, workin wit all those lil kids in the church really made me realize wats important in life. talked to some ppl i never thot id ever talk to, and every1 turned out to be real chill =). for the first time, i actually wanted to play wit the kids, got to see christopher and tevin again; cutest kids ive ever seen. aite, well i aint gonna go on for too long, but yea im really thinkin bout takin a year off b4 college and goin to work at the church for a year, im back on track wit God. aite every1, pce.
o yea, ima boutta switch to new xanga cuz im sick of gettin crap bout how this xanga has the crappiest name ever, haha.....new ones gonna be aznnoodlechef518. | | |
| hey every1, havent updated in awhile, and my thots are kinda overloadin
in my head, so i mite as well spill em out here. enyweys, the
subject for today is honesty. i was thinkin bout my own level of
honesty towards friends and acquantinces (i know that's spelled wrong)
the other day, and i realized i come off sounding really arrogant a lot
of the time without realizing it; im brutally honest in my opinions
about things. like, if i think sum1's stupid ill jus sey it
without thinking about how that makes them feel or whatnot. See,
when I sey sumthin like that, Im not comparing themselves to my own
intelligence, cuz in many cases the ppl i call stupid or ugly or
smarter or better looking than myself, but often ppl think im puttin em
down to make myself look better. So, my dilemna is should I lie
to be polite and not hurt other ppl's feelings, or just keep being
brutally honest? cuz yeah, the bible sez that all sins are of
equal weight, which means lying is just as bad as killing sum1.
but then, isnt it the thot that counts, and if im lying for the sole
purpose to not make sum1 feel bad, is it alrite? so yeah, i pose
this question to every1, if u could give me yur opinion: brutally
honest, or lie to be nice? hit me up bout it on AIM or comment,
sall good. aite, ill put up more thots and quotes next time,
heres the topic of the next entry: "Character is doing what's right
when no1's looking". aite, pce.
EDIT
actually, im not done talking. this part is gonna be more
diary-ish, so if u dun wanna hear bout my shit or me talkin bout shit
dun read it. enyweys, ive been thinkin bout various things bout
churchill, and u kno wat? i really hate it here. i hate the
wealth, the preppiness, the snobishness, the drinking, the smoking up,
the stealing, alla it. Im really sick of all that shit. Its
like, i walk thru the halls, and i see all these ppl wearing expensive
clothes (by expensive, i mean over $100 at a time), laughin, acting
like sum shit yud see off an Abercrombie poster, and I just get
pissed. I dunno y, but my fists jus get balled up, jaw gets
clenched, everything. But den, I see alla tha black ppl tryin to
be ghetto, and that pisses me off too. So i dunno where i fit
in. I dunno, Im jus gettin sick of livin here; problem is, i
dunno where i wanna go, where i fit in, who i actually am. Cuz i
aint ghetto, i aint a prep, i aint enythin. Sometimes i try to
fit in somewhere, but i jus dun feel comfortable enywhere. And
all high school drama is BULLSHIT aite?? no1 wants to hear bout yur
shit, stfu bout it. unless its serious, soulsearching stuff, no1
really cares. how can u be crying and bein all depresed bout sum
bs like yur prom didnt go the way it was supposed to, or u dun hav a gf
or bf or watever? i complain bout that shit sumtimes too, just to
make sure i aint soundin like a hypocrite. but seriously, if u
ever hear yurself talkin bout crap like that, tell yurself to shutup,
cuz i dunno many ppl that wanna listen to it. Another thing is, i
really must not have that many friends; not even friends, acquantinces
(again, spelled wrong). I mean, to lose an election to Jeremy
Slevin, renowned by many to be a tool, how big of a tool must I
be? I was thinkin, if i met some1 that acted like me, Id hate
them. See, thas how u kno life sucks, u hate yur own guts.
enyweys, I gues u jus gotta keep prayin, and readin the bible and
whatnot, and see where life takes u. aite ppls, now im out, pce.
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| yo wsup every1, serious philosophical joint coming up. aite, i
was talkin to my mom, and she brought up a point id like to
share. btw, the following ideas are ignoring God for the time
being in these actions, and basically deal wit the potential for things
to happen, not whether or not He will bless them into being. Aite
that being sed, my question is: I alweys think that im not as smart as
a select group of ppl in my grade, that my intelligence just isnt as
high as theirs. and bcuz of this, i think i limit myself in the
way i act, the amount of work i put into school, and other stuff like
that. now is this really true that theyre smarter than me, or is
it just me afraid of being proven wrong if i start to believe i am as
smart as them? am i just playing it safe by admitting that i dont have
the potential to achieve great things, that ill just be between average
and smart my whole life, instead of striving to achieve greatness above
and beyond those i (at the present time) believe are smarter than
myself? then that leads to the question: y am i living in fear? y
am i so insecure that i cant even try my hardest bcuz im afraid of
failing? y am i scared to walk thru the halls cuz i think ppl will make
fun of me, or that ill get my ass kicked and no1 will back me up? y do
i try to rely on only myself , and in doing so limit my own abilities
because im too preoccupied with crap my friends could be helping me
with? the answer is basically that i cant live in fear, the
longer i do so the more i hurt myself. and so wat if i fail, in
the end ill be wit God and this crap wont really matter. so ima
try hard now, try my best to succeed; even if u dun see it, its a
mindset. from now on, im gonna attempt to believe in myself, that
i can be great amongst my peers. im gonna leave it up to eny1 who
cares to pray for me, cuz that joint helps a lot even if its a
subconscious help. btw, i aint postin for awhile cuz i want ppl
to read this entry and reflect upon themselves; are you living in fear?
cuz if u are, u mite as well cast it aside cuz u got nothin to
lose. aite, pce.
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| ey wsup every1,
wat classes is every1 takin next year? cuz yea i totally bs'ed
that sheet, so ima change it up later. thanx to every1 who
donated, i got like around 70 bucks from every1 at school which is
chill...yall helped feed a kid for bout 2 months, nice feelin aint it
=)? aite im out to study, pray for me if u can cuz yea i got a
ridiculous amount of hw dis week. aite, pce.
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